Thu, 11 Nov 1999 20:32

The good life

The results from Logan's MRI yesterday are that the optic chiasm looks "a little better," the two smaller tumors on the lower spine look "a little better," but the larger tumor in the middle of the spine looks "about the same." We're glad to see some improvement, but unless all the tumors are shrinking, the treatment isn't working. The oncologist said that Logan cannot receive these chemotherapy treatments indefinitely, because he can only tolerate the side effects up to a certain level.

Laura met with the radiologist and the oncologist today. There has been a miscommunication at some point in the past, because we learned today that a bone marrow transplant has a very low success rate with patients (like Logan) in which the tumor has spread. Radiation is a much more effective treatment, although it is much more damaging to the brain and spine.

The oncologist said that he thought we were not interested in "success at any cost," meaning that he thought we were not willing to cause brain damage in pursuit of a cure. Stated in another way, the oncologist thought that we would rather have a dead child than a brain damaged one. I guess I didn't realize before how institutionalized this kind of thinking is, and how it is so casually accepted. For all the money that is spent, life is still cheap.

I think he did not really communicate with us about this like he says he did. We only learned about the tumor spread last month. There hasn't been any discussion since then about the poor success rates. I think he was just assuming that we would want the same thing he would want (if it were his own child). I am thankful for his expertise in regard to brain tumors, but we obviously cannot trust his spiritual guidance. I hope I don't sound like I'm blaming him. We trust that he has been doing the best he can. But it was a real eye opener to see how easy it is for us to allow the brain expert to (by default) be the spiritual leader. No thank you, sir! We know another Counselor who is handling that for us! (Isaiah 9:6; John 14:16)

God is still on the throne. He is still in control, even of those things that look like "mistakes" and "miscommunications" to us little humans. Pastor Davey's sermons from the book of Esther have been a wonderful and timely encouragement to us. God is "behind the seen"!

Certainly we don't want "success" at "any cost." But I think our idea of acceptable "cost" is much different from the oncologist's idea. Our idea of a good life for Logan has to do with his ability to have loving relationships, with other people and with God. It has nothing to do with his IQ, or his ability to be potty-trained, or his physical size.

Knocker