Fri, 19 Nov 1999 22:35

Treatment decision

Laura took Logan in on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday to have stem cells collected. The procedure takes about four hours. It is similar to donating plasma, or platelets, or having dialysis. A machine takes blood from one line, does something to it (in this case, harvests stem cells), and then puts the blood back through another line. Logan also had a platelet transfusion today (Friday) since the phoresis made his platelet count low. He had an allergic reaction to the blood and started getting hives in his throat and all over his body although he had already been premedicated with drugs thought to prevent these symptoms.

Logan will begin receiving daily radiation treatments to his brain and spine on Monday, November 22. The treatment will last for six weeks. We have wanted to avoid this for the longest time. It has been difficult to choose it even now. We know it will cause developmental problems and some brain damage.

Specifically, we were told to expect an IQ of 60-70 due to the fact that they will need to 'boost' the optic chiasm region with a larger dose (hypothalamus region cannot be avoided, affecting short- and long-term memory). Other expectations are that Logan will not be able to live independently; he will still be able to dress and feed himself; he will read and write on a grade school level at best; will be shorter than normal; might learn to cook but would have to be monitored. They say, though, that he 'most likely' will be able to walk. There are many other predicted changes.

Last night, we were really at odds and struggling with what is the best treatment for Logan. We have been praying about this decision a lot, and we know a lot of you have, too. Thank you for that. Laura has done quite a bit of research. There are a lot of "alternative treatments" for cancer. While discussing what we were going to do, Laura at one point was especially discouraged and left the table, crying, and went into the bedroom. We were sitting at the dinner table with Logan and Adam, and the boys definitely noticed that Mommy was upset. They were quiet at first, but then Adam said, "Mommy's crying." Adam likes to comment on when people are crying, laughing, jumping, flying, asleep, and awake. Logan looked at me and said, "Mommy's not crying," sort of in a hopeful voice, almost like a question. I just said, "Yes, Mommy's crying." About a minute later, Laura came out of the bedroom, still crying, saying, "I can't do it. I can't do it. You'll have to take Logan to the radiation treatments. I can't do it."

Picture this from a little boy's perspective. Mommy comes out of the bedroom, saying, "I can't do it. I can't do it." And she's crying. What could this mean? Logan really wanted to comfort her. He said, "Mommy? You don't wanna go to bed?"

It felt so weird, laughing and crying at the same time like that. I saw just the slightest smirk on Laura's face, too.

We have opted for a dosage of radiation that is only 2/3 the "normal" amount given, in hopes of sparing his brain as much as possible. To compensate, Logan will be having the bone marrow transplant probably sometime in January.

Our main prayer request for the next six weeks is that his good cells will be protected and the cancer cells will be destroyed. Also peace with the decision. We don't want to second-guess ourselves, or waste time wondering "what if," especially if things don't go so well.

Another long-term request is that many people would be able to see all the ways that God is working for good in this situation. We know that He is working (Romans 8:28), but it is quite an encouragement to us when we can recognize His work! And what a priviledge to know that we are his workmanship (Ephesians 2:10). Certainly our faith (in God's goodness!) has been strengthened, and we rejoice in that (1 Peter 1:6-7), but we know that God is doing even more than we can imagine (Ephesians 3:20).

As a treatment, radiation is pretty uneventful. Painless and not really life-threatening. My guess is that we won't have much in the way of new information during this time. Thank you to everyone for your prayers. God bless you.

Knocker & Laura

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

Ephesians 2:8-10